I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize