You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
