U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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