She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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