Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
