I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
