we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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