my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
