The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
