So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
