So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
