Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
