Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
