Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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