In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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