1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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