i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
