no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
