we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
