Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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