I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize