i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
