Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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