Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
