so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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