hotel room ftw
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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