Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
