you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize