Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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