everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you never un-have a 4some
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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