Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
