your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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