I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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