OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
