So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
