I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize