...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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