It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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