i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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