pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
