k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am available for nakedness
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize