Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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