Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
