This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize