Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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