Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
