I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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