Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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