I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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