I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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