So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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