I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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