i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
