I feel great
I just peed on a car
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A bitchslap is in order.
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