I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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