i already hear my dad disowning me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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