Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
operation harelip BJ is a go
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
