there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
