I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
