Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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