Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
