i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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