textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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