are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
