Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
