I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
