What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we're making bets on your personal life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
