Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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