so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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