Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize