the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
